Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road???
Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
L.A. Police Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Martin Luther King, Jr: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Aristotle: It is the nature of the chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Captain James T. Kirk: To bodly go where no chicken has gone before.
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Bill Gates: I have just released Chicken Coop 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Explorer is an inextricable part of the operating system.
Einstein: did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.
"PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENNIUM"
1. Home is where you hang your@
2, The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
4, You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
5, Great groups from little icons grow.
6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
7. C:\ is the root of all directories.
8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
10. The modem is the message
11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
13. A chat has nine lives.
14. Don't byte off more than you can view.
15. Fax is stranger than fiction.
16. What boots up must come down.
17 Windows will never cease.
18. In Gates we trust (and our tender is legal)
19. Virtual reality is its own reward.
20. Modulation in all things.
21. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
22. There's no place like Http://www.home. com
23. Know what to expect before you connect.
24. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
25. Speed thrills.
26. Give a man ( or for that matter anyone) a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
Sacrament meeting was about to begin and a mother couldn'f find her son. She searched everywhere and finally located him sitting outside on the curb with his head in his hands. She said, "Son, we have to go in now. Sacrament is about to start." He responds, "I can't go in there, Mom. Nobody likes me. No one will talk to me." She says "But son, yu have to go back in...You're the Bishop."
An LDS child needed to bring an old shirt from home for a school project about drug prevention. The mother was busy and handed her child an old T-shirt without examining it. Later, she was appalled to see her child wearing the T-shirt through the mall. On the front it said, "A Family is Forever." On the back: "Be Smart, Don't Start>"
Question: What do you get when you cross a Kleptomaniac and a Mormon? Answer: A basement full of stolen food.
Missionary advice: "When a big mean, dog attacks you, elder, just remember, you don't have to run faster than the dog,...you just have to outrun your companion."
If you're not LDS, you belong to a non-prophet organization
Our stake mission leader related this: When the MTC was built in Provo, beautiful green athletic fields were planted so the missionaries would have a place to exercise. However, they were so inviting that BYU students were attracted there, and you would see BYU students out playing touch football, throwing Frisbees, etc., on the missionaries' field. To deal with this problem, a large banner was posted, which read "Missionaries only." the next day BYU students were out on the field playing touch football and throwing frisbees. They had a new banner which read, "Every member a missionary."
(A true story) It was a hot afternoon when the air conditioning went out in the Tabernacle during General Conference. President Hinckley stood up to address the sweating congregation and said, "It's warm. We're sorry. But it's not as warm as it's going to get if you don't repent!"
Joe: My home teacher is so good he comes on the first day of every month! Henry: Oh Yeah? My home teacher is so good he comes the day before that!
Bride on her wedding day: "Mom, I'm at the end of all my troubles?" Mother: "Yes, but at which end?"
JARGON by Cliff Martin My son's a CtR...I go to PEC. I work for CES...I study the TG I read the BOM...I probe the D&C. I search the KJV...I ponder the JST. Today in BYC...we planned for EFY. I stayed a little after...and had a PPI. The YM and YW...are putting on a play. It's one that I remember...we did in MIA Before our oldest son...went in the MTC, He helped the BSA...complete their SME. Soon our oldest daughter...is heading for the Y. Soon our oldest clothing...is going to the DI. Now, if you've understood...this alphabetic mess, The chances are quite good...that you are LDS
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