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Granny's words of wisdom |
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Funny Stories |
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Pushing Against The Rock |
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If Tomorrow Never Comes |
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Dont be a bad Goosey.. |
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Jenny's Story |
~Granny Good Goose Welcomes you~
TO
THE GRANNY GOOD GOOSE'S PAGES...
I want you to have fun with these pages.
Maybe even think a little...But not too much!!!
and laugh a little...Yes right out loud!!!
Go away feeling great!!!
So, come on in...
HOW I FINALLY TAUGHT THE BIG GUY A LESSON
I did not provoke the fight, so I have no remorse for what I was forced
to do. We were arguing, seeing that I was right and he was wrong, he decided
to fight to cover his stupidity.He swung at me first, but being in top condition,
I was able to block the punch neatly with my head. Where upon I jumped to
the ground, knocking him down on top of me, then I placed my ear in his mouth
and poked his finger several times with my eye. His teeth hurt so from the
strength of my ear that he became irate and tried to kick me. but I cleverly
blocked the onslaught with my ribs and face.I scrambled to my feet and ran
to my car in hopes I could get away and save this man from my deadly
hands. Before I could start the car, he pulled me from the still open door.
I then proceeded to swing at him, but only managed to hit myself in
the head. To this I said "what's this, two against one?" That was the final
straw- I had lost all control. There would be no mercy!!! Taking him in my
death grip I pounded him in the knee with my stomach, then hit him two or
three times in the fist with my teeth. he had had it. I could tell. after
that he didn't even try to pick me up off the ground he was too chicken.
When I'm a little old lady
Then I will live with my children and bring them great joy,
To repay all I've had from each girl and boy.
I shall draw on the walls and scuff up the floor, run in and
out without closing the door.
I'll hide frogs in my pocket, socks under my bed.
Whenever they scold me, I will just hang my head.
I'll run and I'll romp and fritter away,
the time to be spent doing chores every day.
I'll pester my children when they are on the phone,
as long as they are busy I wont leave them alone.
Hide candy in closets, rocks in the drawers, and
wont even pick up the clothes on the floor.
Dash off to the movies, and not wash a dish.
I'll beg for allowance whenever I wish.
I'll plug up the plumbing and deluge the floor.
As soon as they have mopped it, I'll flood it some more.
When they correct me I'll lie down and cry,
kicking and screaming, not a tear in my eye.
I'll take all their pencils and flashlights and
when they buy new ones, I'll take them again.
I'll spill glasses of milk to complete every meal,
eat my banana and just drop the peel.
Put toys on the table, spill jam on the floor.
I'll break lots of dishes, as if I were four.
What fun I will have! What joy it will be,
to live with my children the way they lived with me!
Life Will Be Better When...
We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, Have
a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough,
And we'll be more content when they are. After that we're frustrated that
we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are
out of that stage... We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when
our spouse gets his or her acttogether, when we get a nicer car, are able
to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.. The truth is, there's no better
time to be HAPPY than RIGHT NOW. If not now, when? Your life will always
be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this toyourself and decide
to be HAPPY anyway. One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred
D. Souza. He said" For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about
to begin--real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something
to be gotten through first some unfinished business, time still to be served,
a debt to be paid...then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these
obstacles were MY LIFE"... This perspective has helped me to see that there
is no way toHappiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that
you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special,
special enough to spend your time.. And remember that time waits for no one...So
stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until
you lose 10 pounds, until you gain 10 pounds, until you have kids,
until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire,
until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until
Sunday morning, until you get a new car, or a home, or until your home is
paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you
are off welfare, until the firstand the fifteenth, until your song comes
on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die, until
you are born again, to decide that there is no better time than right now
to be HAPPY... Happiness is a journey, not a destination... This brings us
to the thought for the day: WORK LIKE YOU DON'T NEED THE MONEY, LOVE LIKE
YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HURT,SING LIKE NO ONE'S LISTENING, AND DANCE LIKE
NO ONE'S WATCHING.........
(I Might add...There is always someone who is watching)
SUMTHIN' TO THINK ABOUT
1. I'm not aging, I just need re-potting.
2. I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.
3. Lord, if I can't be skinny, let all my friends be fat.
4. My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.
5. I cleaned my house yesterday, sure wish you could have seen it.
6. This isn't clutter, these are my antiques!
7. If you don't like my attitude, call 1-800-Who Cares.
8. If it's true we are what we eat, I am either fast, cheap, or easy.
9. Discover Wildlife! Have Kids!
10. "Genuine Antique Person," Been there, done that, can't remember!
11. Our policy is to always blame the computer.
12. Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
13. Take my advice, I'm not using it!
14. Okay! I love you! Now can we eat?
15. You know you're getting old when you stop to think and forget to
start again.
16. Mom, I'll always love you, but I'll never forgive you for cleaning
my face with spit on a hanky.
17. I love to give homemade gifts ... umm, which one of the kids would
you like?
18. I have a million dollar figure -- but it's all loose change!
19. By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb the fence!
20. This house is protected by killer dust bunnies.
21. I quit jogging for health reasons. My thighs rubbed together so
much it caught my underwear on fire!
22. Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling
passes.
Granny's words of wisdom
Funny Stories
Pushing Against The Rock
If Tomorrow Never Comes
Dont be a bad Goosey..
Jenny's Story
